So here I was at the end of my tether. My massive Goiter strangling me. Tired and stressed. This was one of my cycles then.
I have always been so good at manifesting and the fact was this growth on my Thyroid just kept getting bigger I needed to find the lesson in it. Clearly life took me to this point so I could heal and release, that much I had learned over the 13 Years of releasing and working on acceptance allowing and Peace. Did I feel any of those three at the time – No. I was frustrated and the only thing I could think of doing was to surrender and ask the Universe for help.
At this stage swallowing had become harder and strained. I just had to accept the situation and let go.
Mick, my Life Partner, was working away and sent me a link to a film about Ayahuasca on Netflix. I watched it and my intuition kicked in – this was my next Step. I rang the number fully prepared to pay the £8000 it would cost me to have 3 ceremonies only to find out that there wasn’t enough time on my Passport to get there and back before my scheduled Thyroidectomy.
I started talking to my friends about my Plans. As it turned out I could have a session much closer to home over a weekend and for a fraction of the quoted cost abroad.
Mick was obviously concerned about me diving into what was regarded Hallucinogenic plant medicine as neither of us had previous experience. But when we met the Shaman I was going to be guided by over the 2 nights we both relaxed and off I went on my new chapter of my healing journey.
Need less to say it was Life Changing. I didn’t thing it possible to let go of so much stuck energy and so much purging in one hit. But the biggest surprise was the voice of Grandmother. She has sooooo much to tell me she absolutely loved the fact that I was back connected and I could hear her clearly. She told me I could have the operation and be done with it – I was going to be safe and live the exact length of time as if I was going to heal the Goiter – but this would take much longer.
I came home with such a vast amount of realization and inner knowing it took me months to integrate it. Had a very easy Thyroidectomy and convalescence. And started to go deeper and deeper into plant medicines of the land in the UK and in Europa as part of my recovery and rebalancing. I needed to also heal my Throat Chakra and Voice as my vocal coards had been very restricted after the op.
The next Journey I did in a group and it was going to be a combination of Grandmother Ayahuasca and The Children – Mushrooms. This time Mick and I shared this time with a group of others. Grandmother took me deep as before and showed me generations and generations of ancestral wounds being healed. And she gave me a choice of releasing through purging or allowing the medicine to go through my intestines and exit the obsolete energies through my Bowl. She said it made no odds it was going to leave either way. So, this time I did not purge. Instead, the voice now came from within me. Wow magic. I could hear my higher wisdom from within. Grandmother always speaks in English. You may find this a strange statement, but I am from Germany originally and was surprised by the choice of language as German is my heart language.
At the end of the first night of allowing Grandmother to work with us I saw how differently Mick and I responded to the Medicine. Where Grandmother absolutely Loves me, and I feel such connection and gratitude when I commune with her. Mick was deeply affected in a physical way. His body started to bounce and shake, and the purging was uncontrollable and looked very rough from my perspective sitting opposite him in the circle.
As the night progressed, he said he could not see me anymore.
I was singing a lot – Grandmother Aya brings out my singing voice in an amazing way – he could hear me but the spot where I had been sitting was empty to him. And for me he moved into the background behind the other brothers and sisters sitting in ceremony with us. I kept thinking:” Come back forward, Mick”! But he wouldn’t. So, I sang and cried my heart out in harmony to the songs playing and the shaman singing.
I didn’t ask I just joined in. I kept seeing things overlaying on one woman’s face. Like a slideshow. Darkness in her eyes and black dripping from her mouth and eyes. And then it would change another face, a Monkey – a Skull – an Indian Woman, an Inka priestess. I was fascinated and scared at the same time. At one point this woman came at me with her tongue licking like a snake and I held up my hand and realized I had to send her love. I mouthed I love you repeatedly. I love you I love you I can see you. Then one of the facilitators started to Purge from the depth of her Womb. The Snake women was trying to go for her energetically and all I could do was to sing so loud and hold the energy for the woman purging. And lovingly hold the boundary for snake tongue. She needed love too. And then Grandmother said: You are all the same, you are all from love! Do you hear me. You will have the choice: You have incredible Power. Chose – Power or Love! She showed me the options and all I could say over and over was I choose Love I choose Love.
After we settled and the medicine had done its work, we ended up in a big heap holding each other in gratitude for what we just had experienced. I held the women with the snake tong and sandwiched another between my partner and I. The feeling of Love and Gratitude had a depth I cannot describe in words.
After feeding back in the circle we had a good sleep followed by breakfast and just being in each other’s presence. The masks had gone, and the learning and healing was still downloading through the conversations with each other.
The second Ceremony was a daytime ceremony with Ayahuasca and Mushrooms. Micks and My first Mushroom journey. We Started with taking some drops of Ayahuasca tincture, which I spilled all over my hand and had to lick it from my fingers. Followed by dried Mushrooms which we chewed for what felt a very long time.
For a while we just sat in silence. Our Shaman was singing Icaros – calling the magic of the medicine forth with andien songs. Then a strange sensation came over me. I was sat on the floor and felt like the Mycelium was penetrating my hands, feet and bum. Any part of my body touching the ground I could feel it entering. I could not move. Then the Voice came. Na!!!! seriously!!!?? Bavarian??!! The Mushrooms spoke to me in Bavarian! Well….I was in hilarious Shock. Tried to shake the voices….nop! Still Bavarian. Can that be??? YaP it was. And in Bavaria if you like someone a lot you take the Piss out of them something Chronic. And that’s what the voices did! So be ware if you go to Bavaria and people are super polite, they don’t like ya. The Children- as Magic Mushrooms are also called obviously Loved me. “ ja mei, wo warst’n Du so lang!? Endlich bist wieder doa! Mia hama da fui zum fazeln. “ well where have you been we have so much to share with you….. and on and on it went.
Sidestepping here to my childhood to make sense for you of the bit that followed. My Grandfather used to go Forraging – on mainland Europe a favorite past time. He used to take me with him to keep me amused and out of the way of my parents who were running a busy Pub in Regensburg Germany. Grandad had throat cancer which affected his Larynx. He had to have it removed and had a permanent Tracheotomy. This made it very difficult to communicate – he sounded like a robot when he spoke. And because I had the knack of translating what he wanted to say I got to go with him on most of his outings which ultimately ended with a celebratory drink in the nearest Pub after a successful Mushroom Hunt.
I learned a lot just by watching him. Learning the different smells and signs of a good patch in the woods. The one mushroom I was taught never to eat or even touch as a child by my Grandad was the Fly Agaric or Amanita Muscaria ( Fliegen Pilz – in German) There is even a nursery rhyme hinting at its wisdom which they rewrote to diminish its power and healing properties. I come to that later. By the time I was 13 years old I could tell a variety of Mushrooms with 100% certainty. Grandad – or Opa as we called him was also very much into his herbs and tinctures. He used a lot of the old traditional Knowledge and wisdom to put together different herbs and tinctures to help him cope with the radiation burns from cancer treatment as well as everyday ailments like bunions and heavy colds.
Around this time – when I was 13 my Mother decided to leave my Father and met my step Father Sepp Pilz. Pilz means Mushroom in German. My Opa passed away just before my 14th birthday and my mother left my dad to live with Sepp Pilz. Eventually we moved into the Pilz Family home – kicking and screaming on my part. Becoming part of the Pilz Family. And I hated it. Typical Teenage Girl that I was I didn’t want to be like them. They all where into Mushroom picking, and traditional Bavarian Foods and Cooking.
Maybe you can see some of the connections of my Mushroom story coming together? When My mother became ill with Lung Cancer, we decided to jointly go on a Herbalist course run by a very passionate Bavarian Ex Nurse living only round the corner from the Pilz Family home. Hannelore Frank is an amazing Teacher and I have her and my mom to thank that I am on this path again in my own right this time of Plant and Mushroom Medicine. We went on several Foraging walk and herb medicine workshops with her. And I fell in love with Mother nature. That is why Ayahuasca could connect with me on this Loving level. My mother passed away and I needed to reinvent my connection to my Bavarian heritage. So I chose to train with Hannelore once more.
Fast forward to my first Magic mushroom journey. There I was and the message was to just allow the mycelium spell things out for me. I had always had it right in front of me – how thick was I? I was to work with Mushrooms. My work was going to be unique. Like a red thread I could see the theme run through my entire life. From Mushroom forager to Pilz Family to train with a Herbalist to that present moment in a Teepee with the Mushrooms in my belly and the energetic Mycelium in my body. I got it. I so Fucking got it!
I started to laugh uncontrollably, the Bavarian Voiced Mushrooms talking to me giving me clarity whilst taking the piss out of me over how thick I was not getting it any sooner. I laughed so hard I fell backwards on my Sheepskin and couldn't get back up. By that stage laughter had infected the rest of the Participants all deep in their own journey but not being able to resist. Like a Mexican wave the Laughter of recognition that everything was as is always meant to be rippled through the Tent and every belly sitting in circle. What a joke!!
I couldn’t get it wrong. No body could get it wrong.
I was part of the Human Mycelium. And we are all connected. I had a gift, and it was going to involve MUSHROOMS. Stunned at my discovery of the red thread I needed to let it all sink in after the weekend. Mick had a bit of a tough time with the Mushrooms too and decided not to take the plant medicine any further.
By my third Mushroom ceremony I was wondering what would happen this time. I sat in circle with 23 others. The intention I had set was to feel more connected locally in Hertfordshire where I live. I also wished to find out what my purpose was and how I could make a life with my passion and gifts. After taking the mushroom tea I started to realise that my Step Grandad Opa Pilz was communicating with me. I had brought a Gamsbart, a Bavarian Hat decoration usually worn by Men, heads of households. I had taken it from the house as part of my inheritance but was willing to send it back to my Stepbrother. But through the Mushrooms my Step Grandad clearly let me know I was the rightful owner.
All my resentment towards my stepbrother left me. He had inherited the house I only the content. And most of it I couldn’t take with me to the UK. Once I understood how deeply loved I really was by my step family, and in the past I couldn’t see that at all through my pain and conditioning, I put the Gamsbart on my Hat and I wear it with honor and pride as sign of belonging to the Pilz family.
After letting go of what felt lifetimes of Grief, the energy started to settle within me and I was able to see the connections between the medicines I was going to create and the Gene Keys, Energy Work and Spiritual Practice. I saw the how and was told by the Mycelium the what was going to turn up. All I had to do was stay present.
Our shaman closed the circle, but the Aya and The Mushrooms were not done with me. They said we tell you when we are done with you. So I started to Loop over and over and over the same thinking. I just couldn't ground myself. I asked for help. Several people tried breath work grounding techniques, nothing worked. I seriously thought I was going mad. I tried to sleep they just wouldn’t let off. In the end I realized that I can not understand this with my mind I needed to totally surrender. Even if it ment I would end up locked up on a psychiatric ward. Once I had completely surrendered, they showed me the way to my heart. And the heart does not understand control or thinking. It just Loves everything. The heart only knows yes. It does not understand NO.
Within a week the first healing mushroom presented itself. Birch Polypore! Here in the local Woods. It’s amazing properties I will cover in another Post 😊.
So far, I have made 14 Tinctures, some Mushroom and others Herb and Tree based. And during the Mushroom ceremony described above which took place in Wales – I met a bunch of like Hearted fellow Journey Mates all based just round the Corner in Harlow. No one can tell me the Mycelium is not intelligent. We are after all meant to live in symbiosis with Patchamama, the plants and the Mushrooms alike.